With the first snow of the season falling in the San Diego Backcountry mountains, and the technicolor sunsets in the desert, fall is here in earnest now. It’s at this time, just at the precipice just before Thanksgiving, that we still have a good chance of getting a handle on the holidays, and making it a better experience for us. The holidays can be the most joyful time of year, but they can also be sad and lonely as we go through our different seasons of life. I think it’s important to take stock and think about how to strategize and plan for this year’s coming onslaught of food, alcohol, sugar, social obligations, gift giving, decorating, short days, and long, dark nights.
For people who are introverts, this can be the most overwhelming season of the year. Between the perils of the office holiday party, and the minefield of the family dinner table, it can be an extremely stressful and anxious time. The more you plan the rest of the year to include self care, exercise, downtime to take care of your personal obligations, and decline invitations you’re dreading, the better you will feel throughout, and just imagine, you might enjoy this holiday season more than ever! So in this article, let’s take stock of the biggest stressors, and energy vampires of the season, and learn how to deal with them in new and better ways.
Indulge Don’t Binge:
This is an ideal time to try and lose a little bit of weight before Thanksgiving, and then the deluge of holiday goodies leading into the deep dark winter. I always find that losing a few pounds before Thanksgiving gives me that little bit of leeway to indulge in all of my holiday favorites. My motto always when it comes to eating in general, but especially the holidays, is to enjoy and indulge, but not binge. Besides delicious food, it’s even more important to moderate our intake of both alcohol and caffeine because they both exacerbate depression and anxiety during the darkest time of the year.
It’s so easy to just mindlessly start stuffing your face and guzzling down alcohol once the holiday decorations come out and the onslaught of parties, gifts, and get-togethers starts in full force. So I encourage you to mindfully savor your favorite treats, especially if they have happy memory associations. There are just certain things that when I eat them, like Swiss milk chocolate with whole hazelnuts, and it just takes me back to such a happy state of mind when I was a child, and unlocks so many happy family memories. After the first couple of indulgences, if you’re very mindful and aware, you’ll realize that you aren’t even tasting them to the fullest extent anymore, you’re just binging and overloading your body with sugar, fat, calories, alcohol, etc. So when you’re out at holiday parties this year, or at home with your stash of treats, remember to mindfully savor, but never binge. That’s only ruining next year by starting the year so overweight.
Schedule In Exercise:
Once your calendar fills up and the sense of anxious dread leading up to the holidays sets in, your workout routine is probably the first thing to go. But an exercise routine during the dark and stressful holiday season can make a world of difference in your overall wellbeing but especially on your mood. Even though I live in sunny Southern California, I still find the short days and the long dark nights of the winter difficult. My biggest coping mechanism with the seasonal change is exercise, my mood, and most importantly my sleep are so much better when I’m faithful to my workout routine.
Exercise is the best stress buster there is, the endorphin and dopamine rush, calming a racing mind, and helping you sleep better, are benefits you want to enjoy all year round, but they are all the more important during the holiday season. One of the best ways that you can make exercise a priority is by actually scheduling it on your calendar and adding it to your alarms. At least you can give your future self a game-plan to follow, and the reminder to turn down unwanted invitations, because that time is already blocked out and unavailable. When you get a really important one, you’ll enjoy it all the more, or it will be less bad, because you won’t so exhausted and completely out of your routine.
Back in New York, the dark and very cold winters were absolutely miserable for me, but I learned over the years that working out 4-5 days a week, and spending lots of time in the steam-bath and sauna, made a world of difference in my mood, sleep, and overall health. It’s not as bad in Southern California, but I hate when the sun goes down before even 5 pm. Eventually I realized out here as well, you might as well be at the gym on those long, cold nights, and when you come out, you always feel a huge improvement on all fronts.
Take Time For Self Care Every Day- No Matter How Small:
It’s amazing how differently the experience of doing the same thing can be when you are exhausted compared to fully rested. The same can be said about the holidays; how many of us have landed on Christmas or Thanksgiving day completely exhausted, not looking our best, and just barely limping towards the finish line. The joyful day for everyone else is just a huge blur to you, and you fall asleep while everyone else has the time of their lives.
We can’t serve from an empty vessel, so taking that little bit of time every day, helps so much to keep us feeling good, and lowering our stress levels. Think of something every day that is just a little indulgent treat for yourself, whatever that may be, and remember that you deserve it. Some good suggestions are going to bed an hour or two early, doing a face mask at home, meditating, sitting with a good book for an uninterrupted hour (this suggestion is obviously not for anyone with small children), taking a walk, even a five minute one, sitting outside with a hot beverage for a few minutes, or my favorite: slowly moisturizing your hands with a soothing balm twice.
Plan these little indulgences for yourself, it makes them so much easier to execute when you’re feeling tired and depleted. I like to put the things I need for my self care activities somewhere convenient, so they’re out of sight but just within reach when I’m tired and winding down for the day. For example, I place my hand balm, and my tens electrode massager in a drawer right next to the sofa so when I’m watching tv before bed, I can melt away the tension in my back and shoulders, and keep my hands from looking like the crypt keeper. Another important thing to do is to plan activities, and some relaxation, coffee with a friend, am afternoon at the spa, even better one alone, and most importantly, make sure you schedule a haircut and whatever other maintenance activities you do, so that you look great in photos all holiday season long.
Another aspect of self care is planning, it’s amazing what we can accomplish when we have a set plan and we are organized. Knowing what you’re going to do and need gives you more time to get everything just right, and not do or buy everything in a rush. For example, plan your outfits for your main holiday events, that way you know if you need something new to wear, or something needs to be mended or dry-cleaned. Also plan your menus, or if you are a guest at someone’s home, ask them well in advance what they would like you to bring so that you can shop ahead of time. Gone are the days of, “store it at the store” my advice now is to “buy it when you see it, probably get a second one while you’re at it.” Having a plan, being organized, and being prepared will bring your stress levels way down, and your enjoyment way up.
Clean & Declutter leading up to the Holidays to make room for Decorations and New Things:
If you’re going to start to decorate for the holidays soon, start with a blank canvas. You will enjoy your decorations so much more if you clean and de-clutter your space before you start decorating. Putting away clutter, and putting décor items away for the season will let your treasured decorations stand out all the more. The holidays are a time when lots of new things come into the house, so by making space in advance, you won’t have that oppressive crowded feeling of a room that’s stuffed to the gills. I also love to seasonally stage my home, and for winter, I love to get all of the throw blankets out, put out my most luxurious and richly textured throw pillows, and have all of my real and LED candles either out or just within reach on those dark, cold nights.
This is the perfect time to declutter your Christmas ornaments, and donate the items to other families who can use them this year. So whatever it may be, if you have something useful just sitting in a cabinet gathering dust, bless and uplift someone else with that item. The money’s gone, and anyone who has tried reselling used items will tell you that it’s typically a lot of hassle for very little return. So why not let someone who needs that item use and enjoy it today, certainly that’s better than the status quo isn’t it? And isn’t this season the season of sharing?
It’s Your Celebration Your Way:
Just like food can have strong memory associations, so can everything associated with the holidays. We go through so many different seasons of our lives, and the losses in our lives can be so heartbreaking that the holidays can be a season of pain instead of a season of celebration. I think it’s really important to enjoy holiday traditions to your heart’s content, but also realize that every holiday season and each holiday itself is a blank canvas if you want it to be. One of my closest friends lost her husband far too young, and after a long, cruel battle with a terminal disease. For her, the holidays are nothing but painful memory triggers of her husband’s slow, agonizing passing. She moved to a new country with a blank canvas, and a completely new and different culture with it’s own new traditions to create new associations with. We always joke that she’s going to spend the holidays for the rest of her life touring the Muslim nations of the world.
So just remember if the coming holidays bring on a pang of trepidation and pain, do it your way, all, nothing, or anything in between. You don’t have to put up the Christmas tree, put up lights, you can decline holiday parties, and it’s not too late to plan a vacation in a different climate. Christmas itself is actually one of the best travel days of the year, with the extremely low volume of travelers.
Give Yourself The Gift Of No:
It can be easy to forget that the holidays are supposed to be an enjoyable experience, and not just a mad-dash towards New Years and an expanded waistline. So don’t forget to exert your free will over your own holiday season and decline any invitation that you know you aren’t going to enjoy. Professional obligations that are make or break to your success are one thing, but by and large, life goes on even if you aren’t able to be at every single event. Ask yourself how many evenings or events a week you can manageably attend per week along with all of your other engagements and responsibilities. Long ago, I determined that I can only go out 3 nights a week before I start to feel out of my routine and not accomplishing all of my necessary tasks. Many people thrive going out every night, and that’s especially great professionally, but if that’s not you, be honest with yourself about it. Then when you do accept an invitation, you will have something to look forward to rather than something to dread.
Also in the personal realm, remember that you’re not obligated to do every single holiday with the same people, related or not. If someone on the guest list is determined to ruin everyone’s gathering, there’s really no point in attending. People in that situation should seize the opportunity to branch off and start their own new holiday tradition with more like-minded company. Gone are the days of off-limits dinner table conversation topics, polite society, and the go along to get along spirit, so why should we pretend otherwise? The holidays are supposed to be a joyful celebration of love, and for me, I only want to share that precious, sacred time with people who are loving and compassionate. No one is entitled to your time, and remember to give yourself the gift of no this holiday season.
Hoe Your Own Row:
Mark Twain famously wrote, “comparison is the thief of joy.” I couldn’t agree more, and I would also add that seeking outside validation and other people’s approval is equally guaranteed to rob you of your happiness and contentment. Don’t be concerned with what other people are doing, especially on social media. Remember that’s a highlight reel of someone’s life, not an accurate reflection of their happiness or life satisfaction. Endeavor to not compare your holiday experience with anyone else’s, and make it the very best you can be the way you want it. Similarly, let go of any need to please others at the expense of your own happiness and peace of mind. If someone is unhappy that you’re declining a reason, I’m sure there is a reason that you are declining, and their unhappiness is just a sacrifice you are going to have to make. You truly know a person and how they view you when you tell them no. Please feel free to use one of my favorite phrases, “no is a complete sentence.”
We all have our own lives to live, and the more time you spend focusing on yours, and making it the very best it can be, the more capacity you will have to help, bless and uplift those around you. In all of the sound and fury of the holiday season, don’t let anyone else steamroll you into ignoring your own desires, responsibilities, and wellbeing. This is a great time to disconnect from the internet and social media, and spend time working on your own projects. Regardless of the medium, your thoughts and values belong in the marketplace of ideas, so however you see fit, put some of your love and point of view out there. You may be on the internet and social media doing it, but at least you will be putting out content, instead of just intaking it. This is so important, we need to keep a balance of inflow and outflow of ideas. Only taking in everyone else’s opinions, agendas, manipulation, is extremely unbalanced and designed to put you into a numb, and dis-regulated state where you can easily be controlled to your own detriment.
A sure way of ruining your holiday season, is spending it staring into your screen taking in the disturbing events of each day. All we have is the here and now, so don’t ruin this holiday season in advance. So other than enjoying my content of course, log off, log out, disconnect, and really be present this holiday season. Schedule time with your closest friends and family, those who share your values and compassion for others. Pour the wine, turn up the music, because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, and ruining this holiday season for yourself won’t make the next year any better.
All the best,
William Z. Brennan & Desert Mountain Apothecary
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